I'm not the fittest person in the world; but I have what I consider to be a reasonable level of fitness. Sure, I could lose a few pounds here and there but life's a balancing act isn't it. You see, I like food and wine and the occasional beer with the team after work - that's not so bad is it?
That's why when a friend of mine set up the ‘Fat Boys Bike Club' I thought it sounded like fun - a few miles of cycling around the Sussex countryside interspersed with a couple of beers at welcoming hostelry - right up my street.
And then he mentioned the British Heart Foundation London to Brighton bike ride.
Now, when the event is a few months away it doesn't seem too daunting. 54 miles from Clapham to Brighton taking in the North and South Downs and some stunning countryside sounds like fun; especially as we're not taking it too seriously and there will be the obligatory pub stops en-route.
But then it's just a few weeks away and your thoughts turn to training - I mean, you don't want to make a complete muppet of yourself do you?
Now, I currently ride a mountain bike, not the best steed for the L2B but it'll be ok - so I popped off to my local independent bike shop, Anthony Hole & Sons, to give it a quick service to make sure it was ready for the increased activity that it would be subjected to over the coming weeks. This shop has been around all of my life. They even repaired the chain on my Raleigh Grifter when I was about 9 years old.
My, what a change. The shop is a veritable treasure trove of brightly packaged products that promised to make my experience quicker, lighter, more stable, more fashionable, more hydrated, more energetic, more convenient and indeed, more comfortable.
I went in for a service and came out with Kevlar-shod Michelin tyres, padded lycra shorts, a pocket tool kit, a new water bottle, padded cycling gloves, a helmet, a pump, some glasses and a desire for more!
The training and the L2B went very well. It's a long way but 30,000 people manage it every year so it is ultimately do-able. The real challenge is Ditching Beacon - the route up the South Downs that comes 50 miles in and rises 170 metres in 2.5 kilometers (an average incline of 6.8%). I proudly did this non-stop, which now makes me feel like a cycling God.
So here I am. Contemplating buying more lycra (which no man looks good in), a new road bike with carbon fibre bits, new cycling shoes and matching socks all manufactured and marketed by niche brands that your average person on the street will never have heard of.
Call me a victim. I call it excellent marketing.